11/05/2010

Getting Caught Up

Its been so long since my last blog, I guess I just got too caught up in life. So much has changed in the last 6 months. I took on so much and I loved every minute of it until I realized how much of myself was missing. I wanted to do and be it all, the awesome completely involved mom, wife, friend and citizen. But where was Rhianna in all of this? I lost focus of what was really  important and why it was important. Getting involved in too many things with too many people left me gasping for air. I realized my views of people and situations was hazed by others opinions and actions. I tried too hard to make others happy and forgot about my happiness.

 Looking back before it all I thought I was miserable, sitting at home every day by myself with the girls who were 1 1/2 and 3 at the time, twiddling my thumbs thinking "There has to be more than this".  So I left my comfy boring little bubble, ventured out to make friends and be more active....something most stay at home moms strive for. Here a year later I have come full circle and realized that  those days were the simple days, and I was most happy then. Not exhausted by the days events of who said what, and why so and so does not like me today. Not worrying if my friends were still going to be my friends after I spoke my mind or their minds that they were to apprehensive to say to another. If I had to look like the bad guy for that then it was a risk I was willing to take...where did it leave me? Well, with less people in my life of course. Its funny how quickly people turn what they previously said into "No. Actually that is what Anna said." or "I haven't a clue to why she would say that" My "friends" were not the friends they portrayed themselves to be....maybe in the beginning, sure. After it was all said and done I can honestly say it was for the better.Who needs or wants friends like that? Am I completely innocent in all this? NO!  Maybe I should  not have been the one who repeated the things others had said, but if I am asked about it I'm not going to lie. Maybe I should have kept each of my friendships in our circle private and not allowed them to overlap into the others, but we were all friends I didn't see why secrets were supposed to be kept from the others.

I know that people have different perspectives on what a friend is. A friend to me is someone who is there to make you laugh when everything else says cry. Someone who looks for the best in you when you cant see it yourself. They know whats going on before you even have to say your having a bad day. They are there looking out for you and have your back when the rest of the world has turned against you.  I guess my perspective of a friend is what most people wish there friends are but does anyone really follow this?

Now that I have been through this experience I now know that I don't need to have people in my life to occupy my time. With  less distractions I can focus on me and my happiness. I can put my time and energy into my marriage and my family. Thank you Chris for always supporting me and having my back when it seemed like no one else did. You are my rock, and I love you more and more each day.

I now have my freedom back.

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