If I was pregnant I would be so super excited! I really want just one more, and Chris is not wanting one more. Its a small disagreement between us but if it is meant to be it will be.
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
This new year I am focusing on me. Its my turn to be a little selfish and get myself together, but in the bigger picture its for my girls. My health is the most important if Im not healthy my family cant be healthy. SO in 2011 Its all about me! Starting with my diet, not starting a diet but my diet and what I eat. Its time to make life long changes and really concentrate on putting good foods in my body and not so many bad ones. Also getting my activity level back up, I have the resources at home to do it now is the time to get serious about it. My goal is 50 lbs lost by Jan. 1 2012. I have my plan made and ready to tackle it...here's to being healthier and thinner in a year! Why am I doing it? For me of course, I hate how I look and I miss being active and feeling confident in my skin. So I am going to take control and do something about it!
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
I wish I would have slowed down. After high school graduation I was in too much of a hurry to get married and have kids. If it was up to me Chris and I would have been married in 6 months of meeting! I knew within months that him and I were meant to be together forever.I met him the Summer I graduated high school, 2004. I even told him I was going to marry him, but he is the one that wanted to date longer, it took him longer to fall in love with me...loser! Lol just kidding! Our relationship was pretty rushed, We were together for a Year and 1/2 when he said I love you (December 2005), A few months later we found out we were pregnant with Charleigh Feb2006. In October 2006 Charleigh was born. In Feb. 2007 Chris proposed to me, Aug. 2007 we found out we were pregnant with Rylee.In March 2008 Baby Rylee was born. In Sept. 2008 we Finally married :) Maybe if S-L-O-W-E-D down a bit we would have had more time to enjoy ourselves and each other like a "normal" couple. If that happened then we may not have had the two little girls we have today, and they are our world!
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) There are always songs that make me happy, or have life lessons in them, But there are 2 songs that stand out for me that I would dedicate to my little girls....Rascall Flatts-My Wish....Its something that I want my girls to listen to it and experience the things in that song. The next would be Taylor Swift-Fifteen....Boy if all of us girls knew the lyrics to that song when we were that age we wouldn't have had to experience so many heartbreaks!
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
I don't know why I'm still alive today, so many people my age have passed on and maybe its because I have a less dangerous lifestyle, or God's plan includes me to be alive and be here for my girls and find out why I was put on this earth...my purpose!
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Who hasn't? Sometimes things get too stressful and crazy, but I know that there is nothing that is so bad that I would just want to die, I have too much to live for!
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
My life! My life is the best thing going for me right now, I have an amazing happy life. I have the greatest Marriage, we are not the average couple at all, we are above average! I have the best husband in the world, the most amazing Children and strong and supportive Family from both my side and Chris' side, I am able to stay at home and be the primary caregiver to my girls, go to school so that when they are ready for school I can start a career, and anything and everything I could ask for! I have a great life and I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us and appreciate all the work that he has done for us.
I wish I wouldn't have quit school.....twice. I wish I would have stayed and graduated from Cosmetology school, I wish I would have stayed and tried harder at K-State. However, even if I did graduate from either school I would still be where I am today, a stay at home mom. So I guess now that I am back in school it doesn't really matter. I am still getting a degree and once both girls are in school I will be graduated with a Bachelors in Early Childhood Development and will then start my career. So those mistakes I made 5 years ago, are not so big anymore. They just cost me a lot of money!
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
I haven't really read any books that have to deal with serious matters. Most of the things I read are fiction.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
I support. I have a good number of friends that are gay and that has never bothered me and have always been very good friends to me. Why should they not be able to love and marry the person that completes them? To me marriage is a union to each other, a commitment of love. You cant help who you fall in love with, and if that person is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you should be able to.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Honestly, I don't know much about either. I do believe in God, and have been on my own journey to Christianity, and raising my children to know God. Politics is a big haze to me.....I have just never gotten into what it is or what it means, I don't even know what I am (republican, democrat or liberal) or what any of them stand for.
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Well this is the 30 days of truth....and I have to be honest, I have experienced both. I have never been addicted to either and I am not going to be a hypocrite. They are not wise choices, however I think Drugs are more serious than alcohol. I have found my self saying to a certain someone, you will have the same amount of fun with your friends weather you are drunk or not. I think that if someone decides to drink they need to do it responsible and just because you drink every once in a while doesn't mean you need to drink to the point of blacking out when you do get the chance. A drink or 3 is ok, 10 is a bit much!
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
This question brings me back to the time a friend of mine got into a car accident in High school. I wouldn't say we were extremely close but we were working on it. We had a rocky friendship and dated brothers (Which is what brought us together) We tried to be friends to each other while being loyal to our boyfriends and their family. We told each other secrets that ended up hurting each other in the end. However towards the end of both of our relationships with our boyfriends we became closer. She got into a horrible car accident and when I found out I was at the hospital and ever since then I realized that a friendship is more important that any fight, or disagreement or loyalty to a boyfriend. Her and I are still friends today, and although we both have our own lives I know that we will always be friends. I Love you Jilly!
I wish I wasn't so addicted to Facebook. I know I could live without it as I have before it came out, but with all its bad it keeps me in touch with those who no longer live here and that I am still very close with.
I like a lot of music, and in the right moments a song usually hits what emotions I have that day, I wouldn't say that I lean on music to help me get through rough patches, I tend to lean on family and god for that.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
I don't have any heros that have let me down. My only hero is my mom, she is the strongest person I have ever met and she has never let me down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
This is easy, its Chris. Before we became pregnant with Charleigh we hit a rough spot and took a break from our relationship for a few months, in those months I think we both realized how much we loved each other and needed each other in our lives. Those few months were completely miserable for the both of us, just as the saying goes "you don't know what you got till its gone" We've been together for 6 1/2 years and are madly and crazy in love with each other!
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
People that know me usually compliment me on my hair or smile and how great of a momma I am. Strangers usually compliment me on my daughters, how well mannered they are and how adorable/beautiful they are....Of course they are they are apart of me! :p
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
I wish more people complimented me on my achievements and my hard work. Pretty much give credit where credit is due. It seems that a lot of people tend to think that since I am still young, had babies young, got married young, that I ruined my life. They think I should have done things by the book after high school and finished college, got a career then settled into a family. To them I laugh in their face! I have a great life, and it may not have been as I had originally planed I am still achieving all of my goals that I set out before I had kids, Its just happening in a different order. On a serious note, I have a good life. God has blessed me with everything I have asked for and more. To me, having 2 babies by the time I was 21, being married by 22 and being able to stay at home with them while earning my Bachelors degree & holding a 3.75 GPA is a HUGE achievement, its not easy but I am handling it just fine :) a little credit would be nice ;)
I can honestly say that I dont feel this way. I believe that everyone that has been in my life was put in it for a reason. Wheather it was to teach me one of many life lessons and help me grow as a person, or to be there to encourage me and grow into great friends I wouldn't say I wish I didn't know them. Those that have left my life did it for their own reasons and everyone currently in my life have been there for a very long time and I thank them for being apart of mine as I am a part of theirs.
This one is a sad one for me because when I think of it I think of my close friends from high school, We are no where near as close as we used to be but I know if I ever needed anything they would be there for me. So just a little shout out to my friends Collette, Elisha, Molly, Johnathan, & Jill. I love you all and I wish we didn't drift away, and for some of you I wish you still lived here!
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like sh*t.
Luckly for me, no one has made my life hell, well except my mom during my teenage years, but I think anyone with loving parents feel the same, haha I'm just KIDDING, I love my mama, but I know why she was so tough, so Charleigh and Rylee when you are 15-18 expect H-E-L-L! Now for the "treated like sh*t" part, hmmm where should I start my list? All I can say is people are a-holes, and unfortunatly in my short 24 years of life quite a few people treated me badley, pretty much every boyfriend I had, Friends in school, girls I went to middle school with and friends in my adulthood. Theres no reason to name names because Im pretty sure that those who have treated me wrong and read this will get a bit of a gut feeling I'm talking about them, and if you are reading this and that feeling is creeping up in your stomach, then yes I'm talking about you. As the song goes....
"Now you'll never see what you've done to me,
You can take back you memories they're no good to me,
And here's all your lies,
you can look me in the eye,
with the sad sad look
that you wear so well,
When you see my face, I hope it give you hell"
This one is SUPER easy, of course my family! I have 2 wonderful daughters any mom could ask for, they make waking up everyday a privilage and the are my motivation and inspiration behind everything I do. I was also blessed with the most amazing husband a girl could ever wish for. He works extremely hard for us even if that means he doesnt get to see us as much as he would like. He provides us with everything that we need, and usually what ever I ask for :) I am a pretty spoiled girl, but I am so thankful for everything God has given us!
It seems like each year around this time I get to where I want to get serious about weight loss, I usually do really good for a few months then hit a wall that I just cannot climb over. I have been following an awesome blog http://glamglory.blogspot.com/ She is my inspiration, she has lost 52 lbs to date and looks absolutely AMAZING! I want to look amazing as well! I have finally come to terms that this weight loss can only be achieved by a permanent life style change, not just working out till I reach a goal then call it good. So I am starting my plan of attack on post-baby body on the 1st of Jan. New Year, New Start. This gives me time to put together my plan. I just started my Nutritional Science class and what a great class to take to start off this journey! I will be able to learn what I need to obtain my goals, in the form of Life style changes! I have found a Beginning work out to help me build up my endurance during the winter months so when spring hits I can hit the ground RUNNING, Literally!
The 15 week 5k Run/Walk Training Plan:
Once I reach week 15 I will move on to more vigorous running and adding more to my workout, My goal at the end of this is to not only loose some weight but to move onto p90x which we have had for a year and have done a total of 1 1/2 times....yea its hard!
I am starting to put a list together of things I want to change in my diet and add to my diet. Along with adding vitamins and minerals and protein....lots of lean proteins! My ultimate goal is to loose 45 lbs by Jan. 1st 1012. But my Beginning goal is to complete the 15 week run plan, then from their I will determine how much weight my next goal will be. I will of course have small goals for my diet changes! So stay tuned and offer as much inspiration and motivation you can give, I am going to need it!
I hope that I never have to go to my childs funeral, I hope that they have safe lives and are never put in a life threatning situation. I hope they have long, healthy and happy lives!
Since we were out of town this weekend I will post both days now
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
This one is hard for me because I tend to forgive and forget rather easy when someone does me wrong. I don’t like to hold a grudge or anything like that. But I don’t let things that hurt me go easily, I need to forgive a few people in that were apart of my life and also thank them. John, I forgive you for cheating on me with Kiersten, it was hard for me to get over and accept that you no longer wanted me to be apart of you life, However! I need to thank you for that same reason, had you not done what you did, my life could be very different, and sad. I could still be with you, unhappy that you are never faithful, scared because you don’t take life seriously and unstable with my future, but because of your action 6 1/2 years ago, I now have a wonderful, faithful relationship with a great man that works incredibly hard to provide for our family, I also have 2 of the most amazing little girls I could ever dream of. My life is quiet perfect and everything I have ever wanted. So again, I thank you!
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
There are a lot of things I hope to do in my life, I want to travel, more specifically I want to go to Paris, I always have. My mom and Memere are from France just north of Paris, in Nancy, France. Chris & I also want travel to Ireland, the pictures of the country side is just so pretty we would love to go there someday. I also want to take the girls on a family vacation to Walt Disney World, take them to the ocean, and watch them get married and have children.
Wow, this one is hard, there's so many different things I hold onto that I wish I could go back and change. There is one that really sticks in my head, and it isn't the easiest to share! This has haunted me since I was in 7th grade, that summer my Grandma Betty passed away (My Dad's Mom) She was an incredible person, she was someone very important and active in mine and my sisters lives. She was more than just a grandma to me, she was my 2nd mom for the 12 short years that I knew her. I spent everyday after school at her house, and almost every day during the summer. That summer we went over just like any typical day, we got to the door and it was locked but we could hear the TV on, we knocked and grandpa came unlocked the door and let us in. Grandma was sitting in her chair sleeping so we went in quietly not to wake her.
Hours passed and she stayed sleeping, we went out to play with the neighborhood kids and about an hour later Grandpa came running out saying he couldn't wake up grandma. My sisters and I went inside and I tried to wake her buy shaking her leg and saying her name. I told my Grandpa to call my mom who worked a few blocks away and he said "No, don't bother your mom at work" so I snuck into my Grandpas room and used his phone to call my mom "Mom, we cant get grandma to wake up, we have tried to shake her and she wont wake up, Grandpa didn't want me to call but I don't know what to do" My mom rushed over immediately and called 911, the ambulance came and the last sight I had of my Grandma was being carried out of her house and put into an ambulance.
We stayed with the neighbor while my parents went to the hospital. About an hour later my parents came to pick us up, they said Grandma was ok, she had a heart attack and that she will be in the hospital for a while, we were going to go pick up lunch and take it to grandpa. I remember sitting in the car, going up Ash St, pass the cemetery and thinking, Grandma is going to die. We got to the hospital and My aunts were there waiting to tell us the news that Grandma had another heart attack while the Dr.'s were putting in a pace maker and she didn't make it.
Why did I have to think that she was going to die? If I didn't think that would she had lived longer? What if we stayed in the house to play? Would we have woken her up? What if I tried to wake her sooner, would they had a better chance to save her?
I remember being at her viewing and just loosing it on my dads shoulder, I cried so hard and wanted so bad for her to wake up and be ok. I miss her so much still and wish that she was able to be there through all of my achievements. I know she is still with us in spirit and I firmly believe that her and my Grandpa are watching over me and my daughters. I have to let go of these feelings that it was my fault and know that her purpose here on earth was served and that she went to a much more happy and beautiful place, she may not be here in body but her spirit lives on forever. I love you Grandma!
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
This list could go on forever, as they say you are your own worst critic right! Well as any mom can relate....having babies was anything but kind to my body, extra weight, stretch marks and that pooch of a belly that I wish I could just cut off! I have tried diet and exercise, I loose about 10-15 lbs but hit a wall and get so aggravated that I just give up. I need to lose about 50 lbs to be at MY ideal weight, probably about 35 to look great! Of course Chris doesn't help he always tells me I look good the way I am and when He first met me I was TOOOOO skinny, 6 years ago when we first met I was 125 lbs, and yes, a bit sickening. Whats funny is that 6-8 years ago when I was tiny, I thought I was fat....boy what was I thinking! However at that time I was more active, I was a volleyball coach, on the dance team and took gym classes like weight lifting and aerobics...(HEY MOLLY Remember those days!!) Even though my diet consisted of pizza pockets and Wendy's 99 cent nuggets I was active with an outstanding metabolism...which also disappears when you birth children. Oh and apparently each child you have ages you, My husband had a pic of when Charleigh was first born and "Look how young you look" yea ass, I was 20!!!!
This was My HS Senior Pic!
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Lets get beyond the looks and go deep....HAHAHA, I love me! Yes I would love me even more if I were skinnier, with better fitting clothes, BUT I do love the person that I am. I love to have fun, I crack myself up on a daily bases and I have an awesome personality. I am sweet and caring, and tend to make sure everyone is happy before I am, and put myself aside a lot of the time. Oh and that I have the awesome power of giving life, I have 2 beautiful little girls, thats amazing in itself!
RYLEE 2 1/2 ALMOST 3